Personal Experience

Vanessa has extensive experience with narcissism based on her own encounter with a narcissist in her personal life and so she offers not just the clinical perspective, but an extreme and very exclusive story of abuse.  She has developed a coaching program based on her own experience and what helped her to recover from her psychological trauma after fleeing from her narcissist in the middle of the night.

What Is Narcissism

 Her practice works to educate you on narcissism and what/who you are actually dealing with; Narcissism is categorized as a personality disorder by the mental health profession and is referred to as NPD or Narcissistic Personality Disorder, but it is FAR bigger than what is staled clinically in the DSM-V and few people are diagnosed because few people go to therapy.

Behaviors Of A Narcissist

The narcissist does not love; not even their own children.  They manipulate others, especially partners, to control them using projection and blame.  It is estimated that 85% of narcissists are males, but this site respects all victims of emotional abuse, both male and female.  Narcissists are deviants and conmen/women.  They lie, control, love bomb, devalue and discard their victims, leaving them fully traumatized and in need of tremendous support.  

Narcissism is not high self-esteem, but a condition where the typical narcissist suffers from:

  • Overestimation of importance, achievements, talents and skills (line cutter/superior thinking).
  • In need of a constant supply of attention (good or bad).
  • Whirlwind love-bombing manipulation phase filled with future-faking promises.
  • Circular crazy-making conversations.
  • Liar/con man/fraud.
  • Controlling (insulates friends and family).
  • Addict (Sex, Money, Video Games, Gambling, Food, Drugs, Alcohol).
  • Insecure/Jealous.
  • No empathy (will not do well with death or sickness).
  • Cheater (will discard).
  • Smear Campaign (will mirror your story and claim victimization).

Losing Yourself 

It’s hard not to feel as if you are losing yourself when you are in a relationship with a narcissist.  We often feel like we have to compromise who we are and increase the need to have this person want or need in order to feel good about ourselves.  Over time this starts to make you feel “crazy.” 

This is the trauma bond and the cognitive dissonance that is caused is confusing for the smartest of people.  When they show any attention (the drug) towards you this makes it harder for you to break the cycle.  They cannot be the one that makes it better for you, you need to do this for yourself.  Their attention might temporarily make you feel better, but in the long run it causes more pain (withdrawal).  They will not change and the victim must practice self-care and DETACH with NO CONTACT.  

Living With A Narcissist

Because living with a narcissist can be extremely painful, it is important to understand:

  • You are not to blame.
  • Narcissists ensnare everyone.
  • Learning how to leave is important (have a safety bag in your car or at your friend’s home with a change of clothing and toiletries).
  • Rebuilding a life takes courage but you can do it.
  • There are plenty of people to help you, but it may not be your family or friends.
  • Information can be your ally to learn you are not alone; GET EDUCATED ON NARCISSISM.
  • It will take time to heal.
  • Practice self-love/self-care.

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You need support after being exposed to a narcissist and Vanessa and her team are pros when it comes to working with clients that have experienced any type of trauma or domestic violence; especially narcissistic abuse.

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